When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
