I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
