Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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