Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
