Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
