I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
