You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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