I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
