before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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