He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
