Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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