It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
