Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
