wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
