So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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