I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
