is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
