Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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