ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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