Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
