He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
