Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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