she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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