That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
