I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
