I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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