do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
