oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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