idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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