you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
