How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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