Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
