we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
