I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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