The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
