I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
