I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
