I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
