Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
