just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will be naked everywhere
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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