i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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