shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
