During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
