Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
