awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
