he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
