I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
