I love having hate sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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