remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
