She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
