You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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