Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
