Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
