what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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