remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
