Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
