I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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