totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We don't watch enough power rangers
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
