You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
